Your Best Friend
Forever by C. Dean Smith is available now from Amazon and
other bookstores. In it I ask the
question all of us ask at times; Is God
good, distant, cruel, critical, or only a giant computer in the sky? Is He Dr. Frankenstein, creating us and then
disappointed with His creation? Is He
Henry Higgins, using us for His own amusement?
Why did Eve sin? What did she
want, that all of us want, that causes us to sin? And, why will God eventually grant her those
desires? Why do I have to pray too long without an answer?
This book is designed for both Bible study and evangelism, since it discusses the problems that all people, born again or not, have with God. Read it, and then give it to anyone who is upset with God.
The chapters in the book are:
1 Our Friend Lets Us Ask; Is God A Jerk? ………………….page 8
What is your story?
2 Our Friend Answers Our Questions ………………….…page 26
3 Our Friend Gave His Son On The Cross …………..…page 40
4 Our Friend Wants Us to Know We’re Clean …....…page 52 (Baptism)
5 Our Friend Swore He Would Only Bless Us …....…page 63 (the Lord’s Table)
6 Our Friend Is Passionate About Us ………………...…page 75
7 Our Friend Forever; the Holy Spirit ……….…….….… page 87
8 Our Friend Gave Us The Bible …………………….…..… page 99
9 Our Friend Helps Us Transform Through Rules …page 112
10 Our Friend Respects Us…………………………….…..……page 125
11 Our Friend Will Exalt Us To His Side…………….…... page 142
12 Our Friend Has a Dream for Each of Us ……….…....page 153
13 Our Friend Answers Prayer When It’s Time…...…..page 169
14 Our Friend Through Every Trial……………………….…page 180
Some of the Big Ideas that I discuss are:
-Your concept of God is the basis of all your decisions. Pg 21
-If you are His child, God loves you as much as He loves Jesus. Pg 60
-God’s dreams for you are greater than any you might have for yourself. Pg 162
-The longer we pray, the more amazing His answer is. Pg 173
There are discussion questions after each chapter, making it suitable for either individual reading or group study.
The paperback version is for sale on Amazon and other book stores for $12. The Kindle version is $5. Contact me for special pricing for bundles. (For distribution or group studies.) My current pricing for multiple copies (8 or more) is $6 per copy, with free shipping and handling. I am not set up for credit cards, so orders must be paid for by cashier’s check at this time.
I can be reached at: mybffx@gmail.com
This book is designed for both Bible study and evangelism, since it discusses the problems that all people, born again or not, have with God. Read it, and then give it to anyone who is upset with God.
The chapters in the book are:
1 Our Friend Lets Us Ask; Is God A Jerk? ………………….page 8
What is your story?
2 Our Friend Answers Our Questions ………………….…page 26
3 Our Friend Gave His Son On The Cross …………..…page 40
4 Our Friend Wants Us to Know We’re Clean …....…page 52 (Baptism)
5 Our Friend Swore He Would Only Bless Us …....…page 63 (the Lord’s Table)
6 Our Friend Is Passionate About Us ………………...…page 75
7 Our Friend Forever; the Holy Spirit ……….…….….… page 87
8 Our Friend Gave Us The Bible …………………….…..… page 99
9 Our Friend Helps Us Transform Through Rules …page 112
10 Our Friend Respects Us…………………………….…..……page 125
11 Our Friend Will Exalt Us To His Side…………….…... page 142
12 Our Friend Has a Dream for Each of Us ……….…....page 153
13 Our Friend Answers Prayer When It’s Time…...…..page 169
14 Our Friend Through Every Trial……………………….…page 180
Some of the Big Ideas that I discuss are:
-Your concept of God is the basis of all your decisions. Pg 21
-If you are His child, God loves you as much as He loves Jesus. Pg 60
-God’s dreams for you are greater than any you might have for yourself. Pg 162
-The longer we pray, the more amazing His answer is. Pg 173
There are discussion questions after each chapter, making it suitable for either individual reading or group study.
The paperback version is for sale on Amazon and other book stores for $12. The Kindle version is $5. Contact me for special pricing for bundles. (For distribution or group studies.) My current pricing for multiple copies (8 or more) is $6 per copy, with free shipping and handling. I am not set up for credit cards, so orders must be paid for by cashier’s check at this time.
I can be reached at: mybffx@gmail.com
Here
is the first chapter for you to preview.
Chapter 1
Our Friend Lets Us Ask; Is God a Jerk?
“Howdy.”
Eve turned to see who spoke, and blinked in surprise. A serpent was lying on a branch of the Forbidden Tree. Serpents were common in Eden, but none had ever spoken to her before. In fact, she’d never had any animal converse with her. Well. She was relatively new here, and there seemed to be many things she didn’t know. She told it howdy back.
As she began to leave, the serpent spoke again.
“Eve?”
“Yes?”
“Are you enjoying the nice day?”
“Sure. After all, this is Eden. Life is good every day.”
“Yes, that’s so. You like it here, hey?”
“Of course. Adam is a nice friend, the food is good, the weather’s pleasant, and the Lord talks with us every evening. Yes, my life is a good life.”
“I’m sure it is.” The serpent seemed to go back to sleep, but when Eve bent to pet a lamb he whispered, “It must be hard to live here with so many rules, though.”
“Rules?”
“Yes, things you can’t do. Things God told you not to do, places you can’t go.”
“Silly serpent. We have no rules.”
The serpent yawned. “Oh. My mistake. Sorry.”
Piqued, Eve took a step nearer. “What do you mean, to ask me about rules? God’s too good to us to give us rules. He wants us to be happy. You can tell that by all the nice things here in Eden. Foolish serpent.”
“I apologize. I thought I’d heard that God had given you humans rules about when to sleep and eat and work and kiss
and such-like. I thought I even heard that He told you guys to not eat the fruit of the trees of the garden. My mistake.”
“Well, he didn’t.”
“Ah. Not even a rule about this tree I’m lying on?”
Eve nodded. “Well, of course there’s that. But that’s the only one.”
“If you don’t mind my asking, what was it God didn’t want you doing with this tree?”
“It’s simple. We may eat the fruit of every tree we see, except for the one you’re lying on. That one we can’t even touch, or we’ll die.”
“Hmmm. Do you notice that I’m touching it, and I’m not dying?”
Eve considered. “I guess so.”
The serpent scratched behind his ear with his back leg. “Have you ever wondered, Eve, why God would tell you not to eat this tree’s fruit?”
“No.”
“Well, what do you folk call this tree?”
“Adam and God call it the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.”
“Wow! That’s an impressive name!”
“Whatever.” Eve was not enjoying this conversation, and wished the serpent would go back to being silent.
“Listen, Eve. You’re new in the garden, so there are some things you don’t know.”
“I suppose. Like what?”
“Well, first, you were probably never told that there are other gardens elsewhere, were you?”
“No!”
“Or that before you there was another Eve? And that she had to move to another garden because Adam didn’t like her?”
“No!”
“Well, not everything you were told about this tree is true, either.”
“What? I don’t believe it. God wouldn’t tell us something that’s not true.” Eve frowned.
“Believe it, Eve. Don’t you see me lying on this tree that you’re afraid of?”
“Yes.”
“Watch. I’ll even take a bite of this fruit myself, and you see if I die.” The serpent reached out one sinuous, scaly hand, took one of the peaches on the branch near him, and bit off a large bite. He chewed slowly, savoring the taste. A little juice dripped out one corner of his mouth.
Eve watched, transfixed. The lethal capability of this tree had been drilled into her by Adam, but here was an animal eating its fruit with no ill effect.
The serpent licked his fingers while she watched to see if he’d keel over. He didn’t. She finally asked, “Why would they tell me that the tree would kill me if it won’t?”
The serpent smiled, a ghastly thing that would have sent Eve’s granddaughter screaming. “God doesn’t want you eating this fruit because He knows it would make you wise. He doesn’t want you to be as smart as He is, knowing the difference between good and evil.
“He’s trying to keep you stupid, Eve. He wants to know stuff that you don’t. He wants to keep you from becoming all that you can be. Think of it! A whole realm of knowledge, and He’s keeping you from it. Jealousy, desire, bitterness, you don’t even know what those words mean, do you?”
“No.”
The serpent sighed, and rolled over onto his back. “I was afraid He might do something like this, and there you go. Giving you silly rules. Trying to keep you stupid. God is just not very nice, Eve.”
Eve considered while the serpent looked on passively. What could Evil be like? Would she enjoy it? Why had no one
ever told her what was harmful about Evil? She looked over her shoulder, but there was no sign of God. Adam was near, but distracted for the moment. Hesitantly she took two steps and stood under the tree. Suddenly her arm raised up, and touched the fruit.
Nothing happened.
Well. She was hungry, and it looked tasty. Lying suddenly in her hand, it looked pretty. And it could make her wise! Adam began to sing, making his way toward her. Whatever she decided, she had to hurry.
God seemed so wise whenever He talked with them, and even Adam seemed to know more than she did about life. It would be nice to be as wise as they were.
All this time, God had been trying to keep her stupid. Piqued, she put the peach to her mouth, and bit down hard. The juice filled her mouth with a tang, and some ran down the corner of her mouth.
xxx
The Bible is God’s book. He had people assist in writing it, but every word was inspired by Him. It is fascinating, then, that in the beginning of God’s own book God would let Satan accuse Him of lying. Can you imagine a presidential candidate letting his opponent write the blurbs for the jacket of his new book? What would he write?
“This author is a pinhead!”
“Never read such trash in my life!”
“If you want to know the truth, go somewhere else!”
“There are better books that will cost you less money!”
Well, God’s not a politician, but He did write the Bible to convince you to let Him into your life. So why would He let
His opponent Satan write the introduction to His own story,
charging Him with lying and cruelty in His own book?
Ever since Eve every person in the world has feared just this same thing that the serpent voiced; “Is God a jerk?” Many of the people reading this book right now have been wondering themselves if God is not cruel. We may not say it out loud, but sometimes the fear is there.
If He’s not cruel, then why are there so many heartaches in life? If He’s not a liar, why does it take so long for Him to answer prayer? If He’s not heartless, why do terrible things happen to us?
When you lose your job it’s hard to think of God as kind. When your doctor tells you that the lump you felt is cancer it’s hard to feel that God’s watching out for you. When your parents are cruel, or your children are cruel, it’s hard to accept that God’s plan for your life is good. When an election brings a fool or a knave into power it’s hard to think that a good God has any influence over the affairs of the world.
And, the folk in the Bible had good reason to wonder the same things about God.
After Adam and Eve were kicked out of Eden they no doubt stood watching wistfully at the gate, wishing they could return, but afraid of the angel standing in the entrance holding a fiery sword. A fiery sword? God, their former companion, set armed guards to keep them out? This was a side of God they’d never seen before, had never imagined.
They eventually gave up calling for God to let them back in and stumbled away into a strange new world, accepting the horrible fact that God would not let them back in. As they wondered where they’d sleep that night (with no sleeping bags, tents, weapons, hospitals, or 911) they wondered how a loving God could throw them into a world of dangers. From pampered to fighting for survival in one day.
Was there no other way for God to treat them? Could He not have counseled them? Taught them at great length
before giving them a pass just this once? Given them another choice between knowing Him and knowing evil?
But He didn’t. And on the way out He did something else that was terrible. As they approached the exit of Eden God said, “Hold on a minute.” He led them over to a grazing ram, grabbed its horns, wrestled it to the ground, and said, “You’ll discover how to make a knife out of flint later. But when you want clothing, this is the best way. See, you hold the sheep’s head with your knee like this, and then take your knife and cut its throat this way. You have to push hard, with one quick motion…”
As Adam gagged and Eve screamed, God continued, “Then you slice down the belly skin like this, and up the legs like this, and cut off the ragged ends. Pull real hard, and the skin will come off! Scrape the fat off the inside of the skin, sew it together with the sinews that are right here, and here, and you have a skirt!”
Can you imagine poor Eve watching one of her sheep-friends die and then wearing its skin? Adam taking a flint knife and wrestling a sheep to the ground so he could cut its throat?
It must have been at this time that God said, “Oh, and every time you want to talk with me – we’ll call that prayer – in the outer world, you have to do this again. We’ll call it a ‘sacrifice.’ After killing an animal you burn parts of it in a fire.”
What kind of God would require this sort of worship from His friends? Would any of your friends tell you, “You can demonstrate your love for me by killing animals with your hands.”
But the Bible begins by telling us story after story like this. Poor Cain offered the best that he had to God, but it was not good enough. It was nice for Noah that God told him how to
build an Ark, but how about those other poor people who
died in the Flood? What about the families broken up at
Babel? And how about poor Abraham and Sarah, who had to wait for sixty years, and go through many trials, before God would give them the child He promised them? And when they finally did get a child, God asked Abraham to sacrifice him!
You and I often feel that He’s capricious in His dealings with us. Children get cancer, people are robbed, and innocents die in car accidents. Tornados and hurricanes devastate areas filled with innocent people. We never know what terrible thing will happen next. Disease. War. Economic collapse. And God does nothing to save us.
This is the most important question in your life. Is God evil? Is He good? Or is He simply impersonal? Is He trying to hurt us, trying to help us, or does He just not care? Is He involved in this world, or are we living in a free-for-all in which the lucky or the strong win? When I get sick is my situation hopeless, or is there someone to pray to? If I ruin my life is there help for me, or am I just toast? If I’m born into a poor nation, a twisted body, or a nasty family, is there no hope for anything better, ever? Or are the healthy children of wealthy parents simply the winners of Life’s lottery? The issue of God’s nature is the most important question in your life. Everything in your life depends on the answer to this question. It colors the way we look at every issue we face.
In our resort area there are many gated communities. Many very wealthy folk spend their summers here. Some summers ago during a gas crisis I watched a wealthy family leave the dock in their large boat, gunning it for places unknown. Filling such a boat with fuel costs more than my annual salary. I thought to myself at the time, “Their wealth shields them from the issues the rest of us face.” But isn’t this even more true of God?
He’s never gotten a heat bill He couldn’t pay. He’s never worried about a mortgage payment. No one has ever snuck
up to His home and repossessed His car. God lives in the
ultimate gated community, beyond space, in a society of holy angels, with no one to argue with, and no one to make Him see our reality.
God’s never had His grandma die. God was never abandoned by a husband, and had to face a life with insufficient income and no future. He will never get a cold or arthritis. His bills never go past due. He’s just not touched by our problems and issues. Eternal, distant, and invisible, He lives in a palace of light with never an issue of pain or even inconvenience.
It’s hard, then, for us to see God as a person who could ever empathize with our misery. To help us with this Jesus taught us to pray, “Our Father in heaven…” Now, we all know what dads are. Some of us have never seen a good dad, but we can imagine what such a man might be like.
Ideally he would be a Soldier, defending his family from threats. He’d be a Judge, settling disputes between his children. He’d be a Rock in the middle of a stream, providing shelter for little fishes (his family and friends) when life is a torrent of problems. He’d be a Leader, crying out, “This way, guys” as his family faces hard times. He’d be a Dreamer, promoting a vision to each of his children of what their future might be like, and all the potential they can unlock. He’d be an Example for others to follow in solving problems, in work, and in fair play. In all of these things he’d be acting as a Friend to his family, committed to their welfare and spending time with them because he loves them. But not all dads are like that, are they? And since I can’t see God, I know what a heavenly Father must be like by seeing my earthly father in action.
We form concepts of unseen things by our experience with seen things.
No one has ever actually seen a unicorn, but anyone can describe one in terms of what we have seen, horses and horns. So with our heavenly Father. If our earthly father was missing, then why would I think my heavenly Father isn’t missing? Why pray to a missing heavenly Father? If our earthly father was critical, how can we think that our heavenly Father sees any value in us? If our earthly father abused us, how can we think our heavenly Father loves us? And if God is as uncaring, unengaged, and unfriendly as our earthly dad, there’s not much reason to worship, is there?
If my earthly father is gone, or distant, then I’ll take another authority figure for my father-figure: an uncle, a teacher, a grandfather. But what if I have no father-figure to emulate? And what if the only father-figure I have is a jerk?
Some dads are Soldiers, but fighting all the time with their wife, their neighbors, their boss, and their kids. Some dads are Judges, but instead of promoting justice they criticize everything their children do. Nothing is good enough. No effort is worthy. Some dads are Rocks, but instead of proving an anchor for their family they’re only ballast weighing the family down. They sleep on the couch, and play on the computer, not caring what anyone else is going through. Some dads are Leaders, but only in the sense that they tell everyone else what to do. “You work hard, you play fair, you read your Bible, while I take a nap.” Some dads try to be Friends but fail, merely letting their children run the house. Some dads Dream for their kids, but couch the dream in dictatorial terms; “You will excel at this sport or I will shower you with scorn.” Some dads are Examples, alright, but examples of the wrong ways to solve problems.
It’s hard to quantify the effect on a bad father on children, for that’s subjective, but the following statistics demonstrate the catastrophic effect on a child when they have no father in the home.
[1] Sabrina, The Fatherless Generation, thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/ April 23, 2010
[2] Gary Smalley, Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1997
Chapter 1
Our Friend Lets Us Ask; Is God a Jerk?
“Howdy.”
Eve turned to see who spoke, and blinked in surprise. A serpent was lying on a branch of the Forbidden Tree. Serpents were common in Eden, but none had ever spoken to her before. In fact, she’d never had any animal converse with her. Well. She was relatively new here, and there seemed to be many things she didn’t know. She told it howdy back.
As she began to leave, the serpent spoke again.
“Eve?”
“Yes?”
“Are you enjoying the nice day?”
“Sure. After all, this is Eden. Life is good every day.”
“Yes, that’s so. You like it here, hey?”
“Of course. Adam is a nice friend, the food is good, the weather’s pleasant, and the Lord talks with us every evening. Yes, my life is a good life.”
“I’m sure it is.” The serpent seemed to go back to sleep, but when Eve bent to pet a lamb he whispered, “It must be hard to live here with so many rules, though.”
“Rules?”
“Yes, things you can’t do. Things God told you not to do, places you can’t go.”
“Silly serpent. We have no rules.”
The serpent yawned. “Oh. My mistake. Sorry.”
Piqued, Eve took a step nearer. “What do you mean, to ask me about rules? God’s too good to us to give us rules. He wants us to be happy. You can tell that by all the nice things here in Eden. Foolish serpent.”
“I apologize. I thought I’d heard that God had given you humans rules about when to sleep and eat and work and kiss
and such-like. I thought I even heard that He told you guys to not eat the fruit of the trees of the garden. My mistake.”
“Well, he didn’t.”
“Ah. Not even a rule about this tree I’m lying on?”
Eve nodded. “Well, of course there’s that. But that’s the only one.”
“If you don’t mind my asking, what was it God didn’t want you doing with this tree?”
“It’s simple. We may eat the fruit of every tree we see, except for the one you’re lying on. That one we can’t even touch, or we’ll die.”
“Hmmm. Do you notice that I’m touching it, and I’m not dying?”
Eve considered. “I guess so.”
The serpent scratched behind his ear with his back leg. “Have you ever wondered, Eve, why God would tell you not to eat this tree’s fruit?”
“No.”
“Well, what do you folk call this tree?”
“Adam and God call it the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.”
“Wow! That’s an impressive name!”
“Whatever.” Eve was not enjoying this conversation, and wished the serpent would go back to being silent.
“Listen, Eve. You’re new in the garden, so there are some things you don’t know.”
“I suppose. Like what?”
“Well, first, you were probably never told that there are other gardens elsewhere, were you?”
“No!”
“Or that before you there was another Eve? And that she had to move to another garden because Adam didn’t like her?”
“No!”
“Well, not everything you were told about this tree is true, either.”
“What? I don’t believe it. God wouldn’t tell us something that’s not true.” Eve frowned.
“Believe it, Eve. Don’t you see me lying on this tree that you’re afraid of?”
“Yes.”
“Watch. I’ll even take a bite of this fruit myself, and you see if I die.” The serpent reached out one sinuous, scaly hand, took one of the peaches on the branch near him, and bit off a large bite. He chewed slowly, savoring the taste. A little juice dripped out one corner of his mouth.
Eve watched, transfixed. The lethal capability of this tree had been drilled into her by Adam, but here was an animal eating its fruit with no ill effect.
The serpent licked his fingers while she watched to see if he’d keel over. He didn’t. She finally asked, “Why would they tell me that the tree would kill me if it won’t?”
The serpent smiled, a ghastly thing that would have sent Eve’s granddaughter screaming. “God doesn’t want you eating this fruit because He knows it would make you wise. He doesn’t want you to be as smart as He is, knowing the difference between good and evil.
“He’s trying to keep you stupid, Eve. He wants to know stuff that you don’t. He wants to keep you from becoming all that you can be. Think of it! A whole realm of knowledge, and He’s keeping you from it. Jealousy, desire, bitterness, you don’t even know what those words mean, do you?”
“No.”
The serpent sighed, and rolled over onto his back. “I was afraid He might do something like this, and there you go. Giving you silly rules. Trying to keep you stupid. God is just not very nice, Eve.”
Eve considered while the serpent looked on passively. What could Evil be like? Would she enjoy it? Why had no one
ever told her what was harmful about Evil? She looked over her shoulder, but there was no sign of God. Adam was near, but distracted for the moment. Hesitantly she took two steps and stood under the tree. Suddenly her arm raised up, and touched the fruit.
Nothing happened.
Well. She was hungry, and it looked tasty. Lying suddenly in her hand, it looked pretty. And it could make her wise! Adam began to sing, making his way toward her. Whatever she decided, she had to hurry.
God seemed so wise whenever He talked with them, and even Adam seemed to know more than she did about life. It would be nice to be as wise as they were.
All this time, God had been trying to keep her stupid. Piqued, she put the peach to her mouth, and bit down hard. The juice filled her mouth with a tang, and some ran down the corner of her mouth.
xxx
The Bible is God’s book. He had people assist in writing it, but every word was inspired by Him. It is fascinating, then, that in the beginning of God’s own book God would let Satan accuse Him of lying. Can you imagine a presidential candidate letting his opponent write the blurbs for the jacket of his new book? What would he write?
“This author is a pinhead!”
“Never read such trash in my life!”
“If you want to know the truth, go somewhere else!”
“There are better books that will cost you less money!”
Well, God’s not a politician, but He did write the Bible to convince you to let Him into your life. So why would He let
His opponent Satan write the introduction to His own story,
charging Him with lying and cruelty in His own book?
Ever since Eve every person in the world has feared just this same thing that the serpent voiced; “Is God a jerk?” Many of the people reading this book right now have been wondering themselves if God is not cruel. We may not say it out loud, but sometimes the fear is there.
If He’s not cruel, then why are there so many heartaches in life? If He’s not a liar, why does it take so long for Him to answer prayer? If He’s not heartless, why do terrible things happen to us?
When you lose your job it’s hard to think of God as kind. When your doctor tells you that the lump you felt is cancer it’s hard to feel that God’s watching out for you. When your parents are cruel, or your children are cruel, it’s hard to accept that God’s plan for your life is good. When an election brings a fool or a knave into power it’s hard to think that a good God has any influence over the affairs of the world.
And, the folk in the Bible had good reason to wonder the same things about God.
After Adam and Eve were kicked out of Eden they no doubt stood watching wistfully at the gate, wishing they could return, but afraid of the angel standing in the entrance holding a fiery sword. A fiery sword? God, their former companion, set armed guards to keep them out? This was a side of God they’d never seen before, had never imagined.
They eventually gave up calling for God to let them back in and stumbled away into a strange new world, accepting the horrible fact that God would not let them back in. As they wondered where they’d sleep that night (with no sleeping bags, tents, weapons, hospitals, or 911) they wondered how a loving God could throw them into a world of dangers. From pampered to fighting for survival in one day.
Was there no other way for God to treat them? Could He not have counseled them? Taught them at great length
before giving them a pass just this once? Given them another choice between knowing Him and knowing evil?
But He didn’t. And on the way out He did something else that was terrible. As they approached the exit of Eden God said, “Hold on a minute.” He led them over to a grazing ram, grabbed its horns, wrestled it to the ground, and said, “You’ll discover how to make a knife out of flint later. But when you want clothing, this is the best way. See, you hold the sheep’s head with your knee like this, and then take your knife and cut its throat this way. You have to push hard, with one quick motion…”
As Adam gagged and Eve screamed, God continued, “Then you slice down the belly skin like this, and up the legs like this, and cut off the ragged ends. Pull real hard, and the skin will come off! Scrape the fat off the inside of the skin, sew it together with the sinews that are right here, and here, and you have a skirt!”
Can you imagine poor Eve watching one of her sheep-friends die and then wearing its skin? Adam taking a flint knife and wrestling a sheep to the ground so he could cut its throat?
It must have been at this time that God said, “Oh, and every time you want to talk with me – we’ll call that prayer – in the outer world, you have to do this again. We’ll call it a ‘sacrifice.’ After killing an animal you burn parts of it in a fire.”
What kind of God would require this sort of worship from His friends? Would any of your friends tell you, “You can demonstrate your love for me by killing animals with your hands.”
But the Bible begins by telling us story after story like this. Poor Cain offered the best that he had to God, but it was not good enough. It was nice for Noah that God told him how to
build an Ark, but how about those other poor people who
died in the Flood? What about the families broken up at
Babel? And how about poor Abraham and Sarah, who had to wait for sixty years, and go through many trials, before God would give them the child He promised them? And when they finally did get a child, God asked Abraham to sacrifice him!
You and I often feel that He’s capricious in His dealings with us. Children get cancer, people are robbed, and innocents die in car accidents. Tornados and hurricanes devastate areas filled with innocent people. We never know what terrible thing will happen next. Disease. War. Economic collapse. And God does nothing to save us.
This is the most important question in your life. Is God evil? Is He good? Or is He simply impersonal? Is He trying to hurt us, trying to help us, or does He just not care? Is He involved in this world, or are we living in a free-for-all in which the lucky or the strong win? When I get sick is my situation hopeless, or is there someone to pray to? If I ruin my life is there help for me, or am I just toast? If I’m born into a poor nation, a twisted body, or a nasty family, is there no hope for anything better, ever? Or are the healthy children of wealthy parents simply the winners of Life’s lottery? The issue of God’s nature is the most important question in your life. Everything in your life depends on the answer to this question. It colors the way we look at every issue we face.
In our resort area there are many gated communities. Many very wealthy folk spend their summers here. Some summers ago during a gas crisis I watched a wealthy family leave the dock in their large boat, gunning it for places unknown. Filling such a boat with fuel costs more than my annual salary. I thought to myself at the time, “Their wealth shields them from the issues the rest of us face.” But isn’t this even more true of God?
He’s never gotten a heat bill He couldn’t pay. He’s never worried about a mortgage payment. No one has ever snuck
up to His home and repossessed His car. God lives in the
ultimate gated community, beyond space, in a society of holy angels, with no one to argue with, and no one to make Him see our reality.
God’s never had His grandma die. God was never abandoned by a husband, and had to face a life with insufficient income and no future. He will never get a cold or arthritis. His bills never go past due. He’s just not touched by our problems and issues. Eternal, distant, and invisible, He lives in a palace of light with never an issue of pain or even inconvenience.
It’s hard, then, for us to see God as a person who could ever empathize with our misery. To help us with this Jesus taught us to pray, “Our Father in heaven…” Now, we all know what dads are. Some of us have never seen a good dad, but we can imagine what such a man might be like.
Ideally he would be a Soldier, defending his family from threats. He’d be a Judge, settling disputes between his children. He’d be a Rock in the middle of a stream, providing shelter for little fishes (his family and friends) when life is a torrent of problems. He’d be a Leader, crying out, “This way, guys” as his family faces hard times. He’d be a Dreamer, promoting a vision to each of his children of what their future might be like, and all the potential they can unlock. He’d be an Example for others to follow in solving problems, in work, and in fair play. In all of these things he’d be acting as a Friend to his family, committed to their welfare and spending time with them because he loves them. But not all dads are like that, are they? And since I can’t see God, I know what a heavenly Father must be like by seeing my earthly father in action.
We form concepts of unseen things by our experience with seen things.
No one has ever actually seen a unicorn, but anyone can describe one in terms of what we have seen, horses and horns. So with our heavenly Father. If our earthly father was missing, then why would I think my heavenly Father isn’t missing? Why pray to a missing heavenly Father? If our earthly father was critical, how can we think that our heavenly Father sees any value in us? If our earthly father abused us, how can we think our heavenly Father loves us? And if God is as uncaring, unengaged, and unfriendly as our earthly dad, there’s not much reason to worship, is there?
If my earthly father is gone, or distant, then I’ll take another authority figure for my father-figure: an uncle, a teacher, a grandfather. But what if I have no father-figure to emulate? And what if the only father-figure I have is a jerk?
Some dads are Soldiers, but fighting all the time with their wife, their neighbors, their boss, and their kids. Some dads are Judges, but instead of promoting justice they criticize everything their children do. Nothing is good enough. No effort is worthy. Some dads are Rocks, but instead of proving an anchor for their family they’re only ballast weighing the family down. They sleep on the couch, and play on the computer, not caring what anyone else is going through. Some dads are Leaders, but only in the sense that they tell everyone else what to do. “You work hard, you play fair, you read your Bible, while I take a nap.” Some dads try to be Friends but fail, merely letting their children run the house. Some dads Dream for their kids, but couch the dream in dictatorial terms; “You will excel at this sport or I will shower you with scorn.” Some dads are Examples, alright, but examples of the wrong ways to solve problems.
It’s hard to quantify the effect on a bad father on children, for that’s subjective, but the following statistics demonstrate the catastrophic effect on a child when they have no father in the home.
- 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
– 5 times the average.
- 90% of all homeless and runaway children are
from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.
- 85% of all children who show behavior disorders
come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average.
- 71% of all high school dropouts come from
fatherless homes – 9 times the average.
- 70% of youths in state-operated institutions
come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average.
- 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless
homes – 20 times the average.
- 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger
come from fatherless homes.
- 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father.
- 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with
only their mother.
- 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse
centers come from fatherless homes.
- 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions
have no father. [1]
There are many factors represented in the lives described in these statistics. Fathers. Mothers. Extended family. Economic status. Race. Religion. Sports. Education. Locale. And yet, only one factor cuts across the entire spectrum; is there a father in the house?
We are hard-wired to need a father. There comes a time in all children’s lives when their focus begins to turn from their
mother to their father. Still loving their mother, of course,
but fascinated with this other person, and bonding with him.
A father gives a child security by going off to a mysterious place called “work” and bringing home a “paycheck.” Of course, if the father’s missing or lounging at home there won’t be much security for that family. If the father beats his child, or sexually abuses them, there is no safety or peace for that child. “When will my father abuse me again?” is a place of fear, not safety.
God wants fathers to give their children a sense of belonging by hugging them, playing with them, and including them in projects. When a father is missing or “distant” his child cannot understand how a family works, or how to be part of one. When it’s time for that child to be a dad, then, he will have no idea what he should do. We can only do what we have seen, so a boy who’s never had a good dad can’t know what his role in a family should be. They usually end up being a bad dad, because they’ve never seen it done correctly.
By providing a safe place for his child, giving him affection, and making him part of his family, a father gives his child self-worth. “My dad likes to spend time with me, so I must be okay.” But if the father is missing the child thinks, “I must be worthless if he never came around to see me.” If the father is critical the child must conclude, “My wise father sees my faults. That’s why he thinks I never do anything right.” If a father abuses his child that child fears that he/she did something perverted to draw such terrible attention. “I must be basically messed up.”
So, boys who have bad dads don’t know how to be good dads, and have a very hard time seeing God as a good Dad. Girls with bad dads don’t know how to relate to a man in a healthy way, often leaving them crippled for life.
There is actually a book in the Bible that reflects this. In the first chapter of Ecclesiastes Solomon admits that there
was a time when he decided that God was like the sun; distant, uncaring, and totally unengaged with us. (His father David had about twenty five wives and dozens of children, so Solomon was not close to his earthly father and could not feel close to his heavenly Father.)
Accordingly, Solomon felt that nothing he did was of any consequence. Because he had no father-relationship everything in his life was pointless. “Vanity.” Fatherless children feel exactly like Solomon did; what’s the point? What’s the point of graduating from high school, getting a job, and creating a home? I can’t build anything. My earthly father cared nothing for me. My heavenly Father must also not care anything for me. I am worthless.
Girls without fathers, or with bad fathers, are incredibly vulnerable to the approval of males, so they tend to have early sex. “He will think I’m pretty and make me feel valuable.” A father’s role is critical with children of both sexes, for boys will mimic their father, while girls will look for husbands who are in certain basic ways just like their father. Years ago I heard a social worker comment that while alcoholic wife-abusers do sometimes recover, often their wives leave them for someone who will drink and abuse them. They learned what a married relationship is from their abusive father, and they cannot escape that conditioning.
Unless I know my Bible very well, I have no way of knowing that God does not feel the same way toward me that my earthly father does. And, with both of the large authority figures in my life (apparently) agreeing,
I believe my fathers’ definition of me.
I take their definition of me for my own.
If my heavenly Father, God, the smartest Person in the universe, refuses to answer my prayer, allows tragedies to
happen to me, and lets my family suffer, I have to worry that I am worthless. Many (most?) people live with these feelings every day.
Having said all this, we must admit that sometimes a father is good and his child is selfish. It has the same effect, though, because that child still grows up thinking his Heavenly Father is a jerk. (“My dad had stupid rules, and God has stupid rules, so I reject them both.”) In either event the child refuses to trust or listen to God.
But these doubts do not only reside in the hearts of atheists or criminals. They affect all of us, even the most faithful church members. If our church goes through a trial we secretly fear that God is angry with a member for some old sin. If our children do awful things we fear that God is paying us back for our own ancient transgressions. Christians often fear that God will never forgive them for old sins, never let their past go, and never love them fully. How can we praise, worship, or enjoy God if He’s not even on our side?
It does not help that many pastors give out misguided messages that confuse and wound people. Legalists hound their members, so their followers fear, “If that man is speaking for God, then God must be disgusted with me.” A
professor in a Bible college told the students that it’s more
modest for a woman to wear a dress and stand on her head
than it is for her to wear pants. Of course people in legalistic
churches wonder if God is disgusted with them; their leaders are. And, of course, anyone who connects God with that sort of legalism is disgusted also, and will have nothing to do with Him. Only a jerk could say such a thing, and if that man speaks for God, then God must be a jerk.
Other pastors reject legalism but go so far into grace that they pervert it, turning it into a license to sin. (Jude 4) Telling people that God has no expectations for us may attract more members, but it also leads to people questioning deep down
how much God cares about them. “Does God really not care if I hurt myself?” When churches wink at, or even approve of, harmful behavior they’re telling their members that God doesn’t care about their welfare, and that God really is just like their bad dads.
Some preachers and evangelists seem to be only interested in our money. Is God only interested in our money? When we discover that the President has been lying to us, we wonder what the King has misled us about. Sometimes doctors talk to us as if we were little children; if God is even smarter than these supercilious men, then He must really think we’re dumb. Sometimes the wrong person is arrested; sometimes judges convict innocent people; maybe God messes up too.
Our concept of God is the foundation for all of our decisions throughout our entire lives.
If God is critical of everything I do, then why work? If God is a jerk, why bother to pray? If God hates people, why shouldn’t I be a bigot? If God is distant, then why should I
worry about hurting people? If God doesn’t care about me,
why should I care about others? Why should I try to accomplish anything, if God is against me? And, if I have to step on people to get what I want, why shouldn’t I? God does!
On the other hand, if God is near, powerful, wise, and loving, what is impossible for me? Like David, Daniel, Ruth or Mary, I can do anything!
But if we think that God is cruel, non-existent, or simply uncaring, what is there to be optimistic about? There is no Plan for things to turn out right! There’s no one steering the universe! Or, God is, but He’s playing cruel pranks on us.
Who can dream and plan and work if the universe is nothing but luck or the dream of a devil? (Solomon moaned that
because God is unengaged with us the race does not go to the swift but to the lucky. It doesn’t matter how hard we try because God doesn’t see, and He doesn’t care. It’s all luck. Ecclesiastes 9:11)
Either I’m on my own in a godless world; or I’m fighting the whims of an evil god; or I have a powerful Friend who’s actively helping me. These are the three worlds everyone lives in today.
And, if people suffer from a bad concept of God they pass it on. Criticized people often become critical people. Abused people often become abusers. Tyrannized people often become tyrants. A society full of wounded fathers will produce legions of new fathers who pass on the same wounds to their own children. So, wounded folk who fear God’s evil motives convince the next generation of God’s dishonor as well. This problem already is an epidemic spiraling out of control.
We have to be able to trust God before we can enjoy our walk with Him.
No one can maintain a relationship with someone he doesn’t trust. If your boss promises you a raise and it never
happens, do you stay or go to work for someone you trust? If your employee steals from you, do you let him stay, or do you fire him? If you hear that your parents are selling you into slavery Tuesday do you stick around, or do you leave? We
can’t maintain a relationship with someone we don’t trust.
So. Can we trust God?
Is God a Phantom of Opera who wants us to be His slaves, giving us no freedom to love, to want, to soar?
Is God a Henry Higgins who sees us as interesting experiments rather than people?
Is God a biologist watching human rats run their maze?
Is God a Dr. Frankenstein, creating us and then hating us when we’re not perfect?
Or is He a Soldier defending us, a Judge justifying us, a Rock sheltering us, a Leader showing us the way, a Dreamer leading us to greatness, and a Friend enjoying us?
Serving God is either a high privilege or a waste of our time. Praying is either foolish or the path to power. Which is it? We need to know. We need to be sure. Without confidence in His love we can enjoy no worship, we can face no trial, and we can build nothing good with our lives. If we doubt Him in our secret heart of hearts we’ll feel like we can’t serve Him. If we can work through this we can heal our concept of what a father is, and who the Father is. We can heal our hearts, our families, our churches, and our society.
If we had a bad dad, we can heal by knowing our Good Dad. If we had no dad, it is time now to know the Dad who made us. If we were bad dads ourselves (and all of us fathers were at times), it’s time to read the Bible to see what a Good Dad is like so we can imitate Him.
Your story isn’t over till it’s over.
As long as you’re breathing you can start rewriting who you are. By that I mean, your choices, your knowledge, your priorities, your skills, and your commitments.
God gave you the Bible to help you work through this problem of whether you can trust Him. God wants you healed. God does not want you wondering all of your life if He likes you or not. He wants you to have a foundation to heal yourself with, and to help the folk around you heal.
Let’s explore the Bible’s answers together. Let’s listen to the Bible, reshape our concept of God according to what He really says in it, and in doing so reshape our concept of ourselves. We can heal, but only through knowing God.
Chapter 1: Things to Ponder
1. What words would appear in your definition of a friend?
2. Using your father as a model, what words would be in your definition of “father?” (Use your biological father, even if you never met him.) Be honest.
3. If you had a bad dad, you need to get your relationship with with him healed before you can have a close relationship with God. If he is alive and willing, have a counselor help you two talk through your issues. Be honest! Don’t let him off the hook! As you take responsibility for your own attitudes and actions. If he is dead, or unwilling, then still write a letter to him about all the ways he hurt you or let you down. This will be awful, but do it until the pain in your heart is relieved. (Get a full sheet of paper, write it, and then tear it up and throw it away.) [2]
4. Can you memorize Proverbs 18:24? “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (NKJV)
a. If a friend sticks closer than a brother, what does that say about that friend?
What must he think of that person he’s befriending?
b. If we ourselves want to be friendly, what would that require of us?
[1] Sabrina, The Fatherless Generation, thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/ April 23, 2010
[2] Gary Smalley, Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1997